I have successfully turned my brain off lately. It's amazing for someone like me. It's a bad idea too. This blog post is not an example of that...haha.
I started getting panicky a couple days ago. I'm not exaggerating...I was panicking on the inside thinking about how Delaware will not be my home anymore. Moving to Texas isn't like my typical visit and I come back home. Its for good, its permanent and that my friends, made me feel overwhelmed. I'm being honest here, I don't think that's wrong. I am crazy excited but I know its normal to be scared too. I have to let myself think though. Turning my brain off is only going to lead me to break down one day soon and break down HARD. So I'm thinking some therapy would be a good start. No shame in therapy for me, I've used it several times in my life, especially when I'm going through something.
Research makes me feel way better or way worse depending on what I find. I like to comfort myself knowing I'm not alone. I look for blogs, stories, articles, etc where people have been through what I'm going through and feel better. Currently this month is so jam packed with final visits, final play dates, final excursions, packing, and organizing. I think I've decided "goodbye" is way too final for me. I can't do it. I really don't want to burst into tears every time I know I won't see someone for a while, maybe for a long while. Currently, I'm tearing up. See? I'm a mess.
Goodbye is final and forever. I prefer see you later, or call me tomorrow, or something like that. Technology doesn't replace hugs and random trips...but I know it helps. I know some of my relationships will change...but I know a lot of them won't too. Letting go is almost impossible for me, but I cant micromanage every single person in my life. I'll do my part to keep in touch with the people I love, but I can't force anyone to do the same. Being in control of an out of control (in some ways) situation, isn't always possible. Well, there's my weekly "Omg I'm moving cross country" vent/blog post.
Next time...on an adventurous note, I'll map out our road trip!! Fun!
See! Similarities make me feel better! One of these is totally wrong...or maybe not.
Oh Allie, I feel for you. It's an incredible feeling of overwhelming and I'm and so glad I didn't have time to think. In four days I was packed... having a rehearsal, then wedding, then cleaning up and gone. I didn't have time to think until I settled in. Your family and friends will be through it all with you and can still be a support system where ever you go. The great thing to think about is now there is Skype, face time, and always the telephone when you need a good conversation. I find it harder when I go home because life goes on with out me there just as I go on out here. After awhile you almost can't even stand going home because it's exhuasting to meet up with everyone, and thats when I realized I have a new home that I long for when I'm gone. You will adapt easier then you think, especially since you will have your hubby and your daughter by your side every step of the way. I still call my parents every week to get updates on whats going on and I'm a grown married women... nothing is wrong with that. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, your comment made me feel a little better! I like knowing other people feel or have felt the same..I talk to my dad every night..haha I don't think that will change!
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